By Youth Ambassador, Madison Palacios Vera
The ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict”—this definition from HelpGuide.org is one of the first to appear when you search for emotional intelligence.
It was a familiar concept growing up, especially as I became increasingly interested in the human psyche and our ever-evolving psychological landscape. I found myself drawn to the idea of gaining complete control over one’s emotions, particularly during my early teenage years when emotions were like wild and overwhelming winds. I didn’t know how to handle them, but I believed emotional intelligence held the answer. I thought I could simply wake up one day and decide to be emotionally intelligent, as if it were something I could master overnight—something I could wear. But I quickly learned it wasn’t that simple. Emotional intelligence wasn’t a quick fix or a one-time decision.
At first, I misunderstood it—I misinterpreted what control truly meant. It easily became about repression: burying my emotions so deeply that they wouldn’t disrupt my life or my composure. I thought ignoring or denying my feelings was a sign of strength and maturity. If I didn’t acknowledge them, I believed they would simply disappear.
But the truth is, those emotions lingered beneath the surface until they eventually found ways to escape, more intensely. I came to realize that repression wasn’t control but avoidance. In my attempt to become emotional intelligence—or what I thought it meant—I ended up suppressing my emotions instead of addressing them.
Over time, I began to understand that emotional intelligence isn’t about silencing emotions but acknowledging them. Suppression was only postponing it. Those emotions built up, piling higher and higher, until they resurfaced with even greater intensity.
I’ve come to realize that emotional intelligence is about recognizing emotions without letting them take over; understanding why we feel the way we do, giving ourselves permission to feel, and then choosing how to respond.
This isn’t to say I’ve mastered emotional intelligence—I haven’t at all. There’s still so much to learn. I now view it as a journey, one that matures alongside us with time and effort. It’s not about burying the storms within us but learning how to navigate through them. Not a final destination, but an ongoing process—a mindset in constant motion.
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